{"id":4882,"date":"2005-10-02T13:04:00","date_gmt":"2005-10-02T13:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tomfarandasfolly.com\/?p=4882"},"modified":"2025-09-24T00:03:49","modified_gmt":"2025-09-24T00:03:49","slug":"paul_faranda_19","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tomfarandasfolly.com\/?p=4882","title":{"rendered":"Paul Faranda, 1958-2005"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

 <\/p>\n

Four days ago, Wednesday, September 28th, we got
\nthe news that my brother Paul had died. He\u2019d missed his dialysis appointment and
\nwhen they went looking for him, they found his body in the bathroom. He was
\n47.<\/p>\n

This is tragic and heartbreaking. We are all crushed. But it is not
\nsurprising. My brother was sick from the age of three onwards, suffering from
\ncongenital kidney disease and juvenile diabetes. In 1962 and 1963 he spent many
\nmonths in New York Hospital, and my parents would return from the hospital and
\nsay, \u201cwe don\u2019t know if Paul is coming home.\u201d<\/p>\n

My brother Jim and I have
\nvivid memories of the night we spent with my parents friends \u2013 Paul and June
\nDennis and their family in Ossining – while they took Paul to the New York
\nHospital emergency room. He was being treated for kidney disease in Westchester
\nbut he had not been diagnosed as a diabetic. So to build him up, at the
\nrecommendation of physicians, we were merrily loading him up with high calorie
\nmeals. And he was getting sicker and sicker. <\/p>\n

He was diagnosed with
\nsevere diabetes at New York Hospital and in the space of a bit over a year,
\nspent about eight months there. Jim and I also have vivid memories of us
\nstanding along the East River (New York Hospital fronts the East River and FDR
\nDrive) watching the barges go by, while Mom and Dad visited Paul. This was over
\nforty years ago, and children were not allowed to visit hospital floors
\n(infections, you know). It was pretty boring to stand out there, and then for a
\nfew minutes Paul and my parents would be at an eighth floor window, waving to us
\nlike maniacs, while we waved back. <\/p>\n

You don\u2019t realize it when you are
\neleven years old, but the whole ordeal must have been horrific for my parents \u2013
\na very ill four year old hospitalized 35 miles away, and two other boys at home,
\nwho you are trying to construct a normal life for. <\/p>\n

So ultimately Paul
\nhad one damaged kidney, a ureterostomy (the ureter that runs from the kidney to
\nthe bladder is instead routed to the surface of his right flank and he wore an
\n\u201cappliance\u201d to catch the constantly draining urine), and diabetes requiring
\ninsulin and constant blood sugar monitoring.<\/p>\n

Now fast forward fifteen or
\nso years and Paul is graduating from Cornell University, having spent four years
\non their rowing team as a coxswain! Pretty good going!<\/p>\n

The coxswain is
\nthe little guy who sits at the back of the skiff, steering it, and setting the
\ntempo (\u201cstroke, stroke\u201d) while everyone else is pulling on the oars. Typical
\nFaranda \u2013 do all the talking while everyone else does the heavy lifting. One of
\nPaul\u2019s prize possessions is the Harvard jersey he lifted in 1980 when Cornell
\nbeat Harvard for the first time in almost 20 years in a dual race.<\/p>\n

Soon
\nafter graduating from the School of Hotel Administration, Paul moved to Texas
\nand went to work in the hotel industry. He gradually gravitated to the
\naccounting end of things.<\/p>\n

Paul was very careful about taking care of
\nhimself, since his health was a constant issue. He was fastidious about his
\ndiet, his blood sugar levels and his consultations with kidney specialists. He
\nwas self-effacing and never wanted to be a burden to anyone. <\/p>\n

Now
\ndiabetes can affect the circulatory and renal systems, and by 1993 Paul needed
\nto go on dialysis. He also started having trouble with his vision. He was on
\ndialysis until 1998 when he underwent a kidney and pancreas transplant. They
\nalso re-hooked his ureter to a re-fashioned bladder (a loop of bowel) so for a
\nwhile he could pee like the rest of us \u2013 for the first time since he was
\nthree.<\/p>\n

The transplanted kidney failed in 2001 and he went back on
\ndialysis. Then in 2004 the transplanted kidney developed a tumor. <\/p>\n

Paul
\nwas back in New York this past June and July for about six weeks. His health had
\nclearly gone downhill \u2013 I felt he\u2019d aged tremendously. However he had a great
\ntime while he was here, going to his 25th college reunion \u2013 my brother Phil took
\nhim up – as well as to a big family reunion my Uncle Bud puts on every July. So
\nit was a great trip for him.<\/p>\n

I am sure Paul\u2019s biggest regret was that
\nhe\u2019d never married and had a family. It just never worked out for him. It would
\nhave been great if he\u2019d had children. He was a fun Uncle to his nephews. (When I
\nsuggested to my mother yesterday that my son Tim shared some of Paul\u2019s
\nmischievous impulses, she blanched.) I think in the last year or two Paul
\nrealized that the marriage opportunity window was closing, and he sometimes
\nbecame a bit down about that.<\/p>\n

All in all, a courageous man, filled with
\ngrace and humor. And hope. A person of great hope. When people have remarked to
\nme that I seem to be handling my lymphoma situation well, I have always said \u2013
\n\u201cThis is nothing, let me tell you about my brother Paul.\u201d<\/p>\n

I spoke to Paul
\ntwice in the last two weeks, first when he called me up to see how my chemo was
\ngoing, and then the Thursday before he died, when I called him to find out how
\nhe was planning to ride out the hurricane. He said \u201cIt wont be a problem, I am
\ngoing to stay here (he lived in Round Rock, a suburb of Austin) and I\u2019ve got my
\ndialysis scheduled for Friday and Monday.\u201d And as we signed off he said what he
\nalways said, \u201cLove ya.\u201d<\/p>\n

My brother Jim summed up Paul exactly right
\nWednesday night when he said, \u201cHe led a noble life.\u201d<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  Four days ago, Wednesday, September 28th, we got the news that my brother Paul had died. He\u2019d missed his dialysis appointment and when they went looking for him, they found his body in the bathroom. He was 47. This is tragic and heartbreaking. We are all crushed. But it is not surprising. My brother […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4882","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tomfarandasfolly.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4882","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tomfarandasfolly.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tomfarandasfolly.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tomfarandasfolly.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tomfarandasfolly.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4882"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tomfarandasfolly.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4882\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9912,"href":"https:\/\/tomfarandasfolly.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4882\/revisions\/9912"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tomfarandasfolly.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4882"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tomfarandasfolly.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4882"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tomfarandasfolly.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4882"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}