Tom Faranda's Folly

Troubles: President’s “Life Alert Button And Nuclear Launch Button Look Remarkably Similar”

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Tom Faranda
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—White House staff are becoming increasingly concerned about a potentially dangerous situation. As always, the president has sole authority to launch nuclear weapons. President Biden requested that he be given a button that he wears at all times for that. The problem is that the White House also has several Life Alert buttons to alert people when Biden’s fallen or had another old person-type calamity, and those buttons look exactly the same.

Biden’s Life Alert button is big and red and says “HELP” on it, and the nuclear launch button is big and red and says “NUKE” on it, a design decision the Biden administration is now regretting. He also has a personal Life Alert button he wears around his neck, but for convenience’s sake, he has a nuclear launch button around his neck as well, and it says “Launch Alert” on it, which officials are now admitting was a bad naming choice. And since Biden is constantly getting lost wandering around the White House looking for ice cream, falling down, and calling for help, many are wondering how this could possibly end well.

“Let’s just be frank about this,” said another aide gravely. “One of these days he’s going to fall and can’t get up and start a nuclear war, and then we’re all going to fall and can’t get up.”

Comments

6 responses to “Troubles: President’s “Life Alert Button And Nuclear Launch Button Look Remarkably Similar””

  1. NW 332 Avatar
    NW 332

    The Senior Citizen-in-Chief must be still living rent-free in your head.

    Reply
  2. maria Avatar
    maria

    A neighbor, a true Biden Harris voter, complete with flag and not one but three lawn signs last year, privately admitted that she had grave doubts about his mental acuity. And indeed there are many videos out there which give one true reason for pause—the blank expression, the fully dilated pupils, the stumbling confused responses to even simple questions, the general confusion—it’s all very hard to ignore…..we shall see if this gets any worse in the weeks ahead as it’s been devolving rather quickly. As always, however, people should make the time to view the record and make up their own minds. Sad to say, you won’t have to look very far…or very hard….to find scores of clearly problematic episodes in the last few months alone.

    Reply
  3. NW 332 Avatar
    NW 332

    I must admit, I will get worried if he starts talking about injecting disinfectant in people or nuking hurricanes.

    Reply
  4. maria Avatar
    maria

    A little context please:
    Fact check—rated “mostly false” for bleach and disinfectants https://www.statesman.com/story/news/politics/elections/2020/07/13/fact-check-did-trump-tell-people-to-drink-bleach-to-kill-coronavirus/113754708/
    and
    As for “nuking hurricanes”, unproven
    https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-nuke-hurricanes/
    It does seem–respectfully—that Trump still lives rent-free in your head—he is after all, not the president now—and in the last three months alone, there have been dozens and dozens of curious Biden statements and more…..most of which have been acknowledged in numerous credible publications….
    But in the end it does not matter, sooner or later these issues will become impossible to ignore….and prayer might be our only hope.
    Indeed it might be time for a serious religious revival—and not the new Orwellian wokeness that plagues our nation at present. God bless us one and all.

    Reply
  5. NW 332 Avatar
    NW 332

    Yes, a little context. You can certainly rate “drinking bleach” as mostly false, but I never wrote that. However, our Stable Genius did, in fact, suggest the possibility of injecting disinfectant to treat Covid 19. As for nuking hurricanes, it’s rated “unproven”, not “false”, by Snopes. Folly readers are free to believe what they want about the veracity of those reports. Folly readers, and the Folly Master, himself, are free to ridicule me for having the 45th president living rent free in my head, but are Kevin McCarthy, Mitch McConnell and all the other cowardly Congressional Republicans ridiculed as well? They quite obviously have the Stable Genius living rent free in their heads, even though “he is after all, not the president now…” In short, I find it laughable that the Folly and its loyal followers can question the cognitive acuity of the current president and choose to ignore the years of lunacy emanating from the West Wing in the previous administration.

    Reply
  6. Garibaldi Gunn Avatar
    Garibaldi Gunn

    The damn fool running this blog couldn’t care less about McCarthy or McConnell. Everyone knows people whose last names start with McC are lightweights. And he’s soft on the bloviating blowhard Trump because he thinks Melania is hot.

    Reply

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