“10 Amazing Perks Of Becoming A Protestant”

A BB production, and they are almost entirely evangelical protestants themselves.

Catholics (and, to a lesser extent, Orthodox) like to sneer at Protestants, but being a Protestant comes with some amazing perks. For example, did you know you’re basically your own pope? You can issue papal bulls about what to watch on TV or where to order food. It’s great.

Here are 10 more amazing perks of Protestantism:

1. Frickin’ lasers and fog machines: Just like they had at the Church in Ephesus.
2. Way fewer statues: They’re really creepy at night. Did that statue of Saint Bartholomew holding his own flayed skin just move?
3. Everyone gets to wear a giant pointy hat if they want, instead of just one guy: Nice!
4. You and Larry the Cucumber share the same faith: Who do Catholics have? Mel Gibson? Please.
5. You can sing “A Mighty Fortress is Our God”: Case closed.
6. Fewer shifty Italians hanging around the church: It really cuts down on the mob hits.
7. 7 fewer books for your Bible in a year plan: You still won’t finish, but it hurts less.
8. Much easier on the knees: Kneeling is hard if you’re over 40.
9. Don’t have some guy sitting in a heavily fortified city in Europe telling you to take in more immigrants: Just 30,000 dudes in skinny jeans saying that.
10. You can believe whatever you want and find a church that will agree with you: It’s nice to be in charge.