“To Save Time, CNN Will Now Run Retractions Simultaneously With News Stories”

Haha. ATLANTA, GA — As part of the channel’s ongoing quest to ensure accurate media reporting, CNN has elected to run live retractions simultaneously with the news stories being reported at the time. CNN CEO Mark Thompson confirmed the change in a public statement on Friday. “We’re really bad at our job, but we can … Read more

“10 Amazing Perks Of Becoming A Protestant”

A BB production, and they are almost entirely evangelical protestants themselves. Catholics (and, to a lesser extent, Orthodox) like to sneer at Protestants, but being a Protestant comes with some amazing perks. For example, did you know you’re basically your own pope? You can issue papal bulls about what to watch on TV or where … Read more

BB: NATO Begs U.S. For … Funding So They Can Defend Greenland From U.S.

Amid the looming threat of a U.S. military takeover of Greenland, NATO requested emergency aid from the U.S. to help it defend Greenland from the U.S. “This is an emergency, and we need the aid of the United States as soon as possible,” said Secretary General Mark Rutte. “The U.S. could attack Greenland at any … Read more

Aides Tell Disappointed Trump That Maduro And Mamdani Are Different People

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump was crushed today when aides informed him that Maduro and Mamdani are, in fact, different people. Trump had initially hailed the successful deposing of a lunatic communist, only to learn it was the one in Venezuela, not New York. “Are you serious?” said Trump, as aides showed him side-by-side pictures. … Read more